The literature on happiness science has something to say about relationships.
Here are my notes.
Happiness// Lyubomirsky on relationships
1. Time
⁃ Date night
⁃ Morning catch up
⁃ Evening reunion
⁃ Non-media, non-kid
⁃ Shared activity (shopping? driving?)
⁃ Media-free zone (no ipad, no TV)
2. Express
⁃ 5:1 positive comments ratio
⁃ Admire, appreciate, affection, praise
⁃ Exercise for building admiration via lists: a, list of initially attractive attributes and episodes; b, list of good times; c, list of bad times with charitable theories; d, list of shared values and goals.
3. Be interested and celebrate good fortune through questions and congratulations
4. Be positive in conflict by acknowledging the problem, staying connected (eg eye contact), and de-escalating (apology, humor, acknowledgment)
⁃ More dangerous are a, starting harshly; b, attacking character vs a single action; c, stonewalling/avoiding
Forgiveness
⁃ “you tried. I am sorry I didnt make it easy on you.”
Acts of Kindness
⁃ Call a pizza spot and buy all the pizza for an hour